Having battled depression since my early teens, I’ve learned firsthand that supporting someone with depression requires understanding, patience, and genuine compassion. Sometimes, the smallest gestures can make the biggest difference in someone’s life – I know this because I’ve been on both sides of the equation.

Understanding Depression

Depression isn’t just feeling sad or having a bad day. It’s a complex mental health condition that affects every aspect of a person’s life. In my case, it started in my teenage years, manifesting alongside anxiety and later schizoaffective disorder. I would retreat to the school library, finding solace in solitude rather than facing my peers. This isolation, while comforting at the moment, wasn’t always the healthiest coping mechanism.

Ways to Help Someone with Depression

1. Listen Without Judgment

One of the most powerful things you can do is simply listen. During my darkest times, when voices in my head would tell me I was useless, having someone who would just listen without trying to immediately fix everything made a world of difference.

Remember, you don’t need to have all the answers. Sometimes, being present and showing you care is enough.

2. Believe in Them

Words have incredible power. During my trek to Machu Picchu, I was ready to give up on the second day. I was exhausted, dealing with elevation sickness, and those familiar negative thoughts were creeping in. Then my guide said something that changed everything: he told me he believed in me. It was the first time someone outside my family had expressed such confidence in my abilities, and it gave me the strength to continue.

When supporting someone with depression, express genuine belief in their capacity to overcome challenges. Simple phrases like “I believe in you” or “I know you can handle this” can provide the emotional fuel they need to keep going.

3. Help Them Stay Active

Depression often makes people want to withdraw and become inactive. While you should never force someone, gently encouraging activity can be beneficial. From my experience losing weight and eventually trekking to Machu Picchu, I learned that physical activity can be transformative for mental and physical health.

Start small – maybe suggest a short walk or help them with everyday tasks. The goal isn’t to push them into major life changes but to prevent complete isolation.

4. Recognize Warning Signs

Learn to recognise when someone is struggling more than usual. My mind would start to race, and I would begin seeing and hearing things that weren’t there. While everyone’s experience with depression is different, some common warning signs include:

  • Withdrawal from social activities
  • Changes in sleeping or eating patterns
  • Loss of interest in previously enjoyed activities
  • Expressing feelings of worthlessness or hopelessness
  • Talking about death or suicide

5. Support Their Treatment Journey

If someone is seeking professional help, support their decision. Offer to help them find resources, accompany them to appointments if they want, or simply check in on how their treatment is going. Remember that recovery isn’t linear – there will be good and bad days.

6. Create a Safe Space

Make it clear that you’re a safe person to talk to about mental health. Share your experiences if you have them, but don’t make comparisons or minimize their struggles. When I was in the ICU after a suicide attempt, it was a safe space and an overheard conversation that led to my major revelation about wanting to live.

7. Help Them Find Purpose

Depression often strips away our sense of purpose. Sometimes, helping someone find meaning can make a huge difference. It was discovering public speaking and sharing my story with others despite my initial terror of being on stage. For others, it might be volunteering, creating art, or helping others with similar struggles.

8. Be Patient and Consistent

Recovery from depression isn’t a sprint – it’s a marathon with many ups and downs. I’ve had to wage what I call a “private war” against suicidal thoughts and negative voices, and it’s taken years of consistent effort. When supporting someone with depression, maintain consistent contact and support, even when they seem to be doing better.

9. Take Care of Yourself

Supporting someone with depression can be emotionally taxing. Remember to maintain your own mental health and set boundaries when needed. You can’t pour from an empty cup.

What Not to Do

  • Don’t tell them to “just cheer up” or “get over it”
  • Avoid making comparisons to others who “have it worse”
  • Don’t force them to socialize or participate in activities when they’re not ready
  • Never dismiss or minimize their feelings
  • Don’t make them feel guilty about their depression

When to Seek Professional Help

If someone is expressing suicidal thoughts or showing signs of severe depression, don’t hesitate to reach out to mental health professionals. Have emergency numbers readily available, including:

  • Local suicide prevention hotlines
  • Mental health crisis teams
  • Emergency services

Final Thoughts

Supporting someone with depression requires patience, understanding, and often a willingness to simply be present through their darkest moments. Remember that recovery isn’t always visible – sometimes, the biggest battles are fought silently. As someone who has been there, I can tell you that your support, even when it feels insignificant, can make a profound difference in someone’s life.

Just as that dying man in the ICU unknowingly saved my life with his words, your presence and support might be the light that helps someone find their way through the darkness of depression. Never underestimate the power of being there for someone who is struggling.